Confession #1—I (Esther) am going to be frank with you: often, I don’t want to spend time with God. Sometimes—sadly, more often than not—the last thing I want to do is to pause my self-indulgent activities, sit down, open my Bible, and actively seek the Truth of God’s Word. Nine times out of ten, what I want to do is grab a slip of paper, look down at it, and find a neatly-printed Bible verse across it saying that I’m a wonderful Christian just the way I am, and that a relationship with God doesn’t require any work on my part. Ouch.


Don’t we all want to hear that, at some point in our spiritual lives? I mean, let’s be honest, here. Do you wake up every day of every week with the words, “God, I can’t wait to spend time listening to You today” on your lips?


I sure don’t.


I don’t know about you, but when I wake up, it’s all about me. How late did I want to sleep in, what do I want to do today, what outfit will look best on me tonight, what do I want to eat and drink and say and sing and write? The list is endless, peppered with I’s and me’s and my’s. When I sit down and really look at myself, I come to the very unpleasant conclusion that I am a selfish person.


Confession #2—I don’t want to be writing this post right now. I’d much rather be typing my latest angst-filled fanfic (which, by the way, I can post online and get feedback—i.e. praise—from my readers), or watching Alias with my dad, or delving into one of the 5 books I’ve started reading. The last thing I want to be doing right now is scrawling letters across a page, helping other girls learn how to be beautiful in God’s sight.


And you know why that is? Because I don’t feel very beautiful right now. I feel torn and beaten down, empty and used up, as if I’ve given everything I have to offer away in search of satisfaction—pleasure—for myself. I don’t like what God is trying to tell me, so I’m running away from His voice, trying to drown it out with music and TV and emotions and praise—all from the lips of humans.



I am a very selfish person.



The funny thing is, this post is supposed to be about spending time with God. It’s supposed to give a wonderful analogy of flowers and God’s voice. My vision for this post was to leave you with an image in your head of you as the flower, and God as the Gardener—the Caretaker of the plant leaning down to talk to it, to breathe that life-giving CO2 onto its petals. What am I talking about? Flowers—plants—need carbon dioxide to live. That’s why you’ll hear some people say that people who talk to their plants end up with healthier flowers (or fruits, etc), because, when we talk, we expel carbon dioxide in our breath. So, when I pitched this idea to Ruth, I said that I wanted to make a point about time spent listening to God’s voice being essential to cultivating gentle and quiet spirits. Because it is. It isabsolutely essential.


I still want to make that point. But I want to make it all the more forcefully by giving you myself as an example of what happens when you don’t spend time listening—really listening—to God’s voice.



I said earlier that I felt empty, used up, as if I had nothing to offer God (because I’ve spent it all on seeking to please myself), and therefore was running from Him. I felt a lot like Eve must have, after she ate from the forbidden fruit—I’ve been hiding, because I’ve been afraid. Afraid of disappointing God, of letting Him down. Some part of my mind kept saying, “If He knew that you’d rather be doing anything else but spending time with Him, He’d be so disappointed.” Well, guess what? He does know. And I’ve been pretty ridiculous, telling myself otherwise.


What I want you to come away with is this: I can tell you, from personal, recent experience, that the only way you can gain a gentle and quiet spirit—a spirit full of peace, and love, and joy, and all the other Fruits of the Spirit—is to spend time with God. I don’t mean a twenty-second, meaningless prayer at the start or end of your day, or a mandatory Bible reading in Numbers or Leviticus. No, I mean—and I’m telling myself this as I type—I mean quality time. Intentionally setting aside time in your day—every day—to sit down and listen for God’s voice. Because spending time listening for His voice, drinking in that life-giving carbon dioxide on His breath, is one of the best things you can do in your walk with God.



I’ll be the first to admit it: I’ve been terrible about this lately. I just had my first real quiet time with God for the first time in at least a month. That’s right—a month. And you know what? I feel so much better already. So I want to end my portion of this post with a challenge. A challenge as much for myself as for you.


I, (Ruth) have a confession to make as well. This past week I worked at Memphis Workcamp. Twenty or so churches came together to paint/repair houses in Orange Mound for less fortunate families. Just seeing the people and the shape not only their houses were in, but also their lives, made me stop and think. I am so selfish. And spoiled. But this experience also humbled me. I wake up every morning thinking about myself. I don't have to worry about my next meal, safety, or next paycheck. I am so blessed.



God has blessed me with so many things in my life, and I often forget to thank Him. I often forget to spend time with Him–to get to know Him better. Our God is a jealous God. Recently, I asked my mom how God can be jealous, since jealously is a sin. My mom's explanation made a lot of sense: God's jealousy is righteous. He loves us so much, that He can't stand it when we put other things or people before Him. Today in Sunday school, my teacher also challenged us to write out our vows to God. Since Jesus is the bridegroom and we are the bride. So just like husband and wife, we took time today to write out our promises/vows to God. I thought that was so cool. Try it sometime. Really think about how you want to promise yourself to Christ.



Now back to Esther.



Let’s set aside some time every day of this week and listen for God’s voice. Let’s pause our crazy, often self-centered lives, sit down, open our hearts, and echo the words of Samuel in 1 Samuel 3:10, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”


“…intimacy is both a discipline and a goal—much like humility and prayer and sacrifice, and any of the other disciplines. Our great tendency in this age is to increase our speed, to run faster, even in the Christian life. In the process our walk with God stays shallow, and our tank runs low on fumes. Intimacy offers a full tank of fuel that can only be found by pulling up closer to God, which requires taking necessary time and going to the effort to make that happen.” ~ Charles R. Swindoll, So You Want to Be Like Christ?