Just be brave.

Dear 7th Grade Self,

No, sweetheart, they are not your friends.

They might have been, once upon a time, but this is not how friends behave, this is not what friends are like. Give it up; let go. It’s better without them.

I know you miss that close, tight group you used to have with them. But it just doesn’t exist any longer. These are the same girls, but sixth grade did something to them that it didn’t do to you. Who knows why or what. They got mean or hard or self-conscious. Something terrible at home - a divorce or a bullying older brother; a dad that doesn’t care about what happens to them; a mom who starts every morning belittling or fighting. Whatever did it; it’s already done. They think the only way to look good, to feel better, is to make others look bad, make others feel worse.

It’s not wrong for you to not be comfortable with them anymore; it’s not wrong to want it to be different.

But here’s the thing: It won’t go back to how it was. No matter how long you stick it out with them, how many times you listen to them gossip, how many seats they end up saving for you, how may lunches you guys ridicule each other through - no matter how long you keep this up, it won’t be the way it was. It won’t be as good, or as right, or as close. They won’t be your friends.

They’re already not your friends.

Think about it. There’s no real reason they won’t save you a seat in first period. There’s no real reason they trash talk the guy you like. There’s no real reason for the whole group to go silent when you walk in a room.

No real reason. This is just how girls can be.

But the good news is - not all girls are like this. Not all girls want to see you cry. Not all girls form a little clique and ignore anyone who doesn’t quite fit.

Some girls want friends just like you want friends.

You’ll find them. You’ve already found them. You know who they are; you know that they’re fun, that they joke and laugh and tease and hang out on Fridays. You’ve seen them pass notes to each other in class about silly, goofy stuff. You’ve seen them doodle on each other’s shoes and arms; you’ve listened to them moan about pre-algebra homework. You know them. They’re right there, in front of you.

I know that this is so hard. To cut ties with the girls you thought were your friends, who did, in fact, use to be your friends. I know that it’s scary to think that you might drift around 7th grade without someone, without belonging, never fitting in. But that’s not what happens. That won’t happen.

God is looking out for you; He’s got something in mind. But He needs you to step out on faith, to take the leap into what looks like a vacuum. He will catch you. He will. He will. He is faithful.

Another thing about the way God works. See, what He does for you might sometimes not look like what you want. Or even need. It might look like a paltry imitation, a shadow of the great group of friends you had once. These new friends that God has in mind for you? Yeah, at first glance, they don’t look like the friends you have.

You know the girls I mean, the girls who will be your friends; you’ve already seen them in homeroom. They’re not as put together maybe; they’re wearing last year’s boots instead of this year’s. They do hang out with a couple of guys in band class, and yeah, one of the girls has a retainer she has to wear that gives her a kind of lisp. But guess what? It’s so much more fun when you don’t have to try so hard to be liked, when you fit in with a group of girls who don’t care if your shoes are cool or if this is a good hair day. It’s so much more honest, and real, and relaxing, and right when the friends you surround yourself with just love you for you.

God has plans for you; He needs you to be willing to go along with Him, to ride it out. Because the moment that you step away from those mean girls and sit down at the other end of the lunch table - that’s the moment God starts working through you.

When He does that, there’s no stopping the blessings you get from Him. The girl with the retainer? She teaches you a cool trick to help memorize the poem you have to recite in front of the class next semester. The girl with the geeky band boyfriend? (Yeah, he plays the trombone and gets mad really easily, I know). That girl will be your best friend for the next two years; she’ll get you free tickets to a cool concert and you’ll have her over to spend the night when her stepdad leaves them.

God will be at work in your life. All you have to do, all you need to do, is be brave. Walk past the head of the lunch table and the girls pretending to be stupid to impress the boys, walk past the girl with perfect hair who was new in fifth grade and needed you but doesn’t need you now. Walk past them. Walk to the last table, the one by the trash compactor that stinks. Walk all the way to the end and sit down.

They won’t kick you out. They won’t stare at you like you’re crazy. They won’t stop talking and leave the table in dreadful, judging silence. It’s not a fiery furnace; it’s not a lion’s den.

They’ll ask if you want your orange (no) and if you want to come to the band room after lunch and listen to music (yes). They’ll accept you without question. These people will be your friends. You won’t even miss the others.

In case you couldn’t tell, everything works out. It’s easier than you think. God is bigger than your fears.

Just be brave. Be willing to walk into the flames - they will not touch you.

With hope,
Your Older (Wiser?) Self